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Bio - TFN Network - - Satire & Humor For Snowflakes Like You - - We only report what we hear is true - - Reporter Moe Flake -

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image by The Flake News (@theflakenews) with caption : "New 'Factory Working' Course In US Public Schools Follows China Tariffs

In the midst of an ongoing trade war between th" - 1848862620259242801
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New 'Factory Working' Course In US Public Schools Follows China Tariffs In the midst of an ongoing trade war between the United States and China, the Chinese have decided to use their upper hand to impose a 25% trade tariff on $16 billion worth of goods coming into the United States. A devastating blow to American corporations, the Trump administration plans to recover by creating a course in US public schools where children learn to produce factory-made goods. The course will start as young as pre-school and will be a part of the curriculum well into doctorate programs at universities. The produced goods will be provided to US corporations for a fraction of the cost less than original Chinese prices. Since the course would not suffice an adequate lesson in a regular period’s time, school days will be extended to 15-hour days, whereas the Factory Working course will take 10 hours. The students will receive compensation in the form of a very healthy education and newly developed skills. Read more now at our website Flake.News -- link in bio . . . . . . . . . . . . @AlexDelesky

image by The Flake News (@theflakenews) with caption : "Hulu Blocks President Trump’s Streaming Privileges Of The Handmaid’s Tale

On July 24th, Hulu held a press conference an" - 1848111674362333088
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Hulu Blocks President Trump’s Streaming Privileges Of The Handmaid’s Tale On July 24th, Hulu held a press conference announcing their decision to block President Donald Trump from viewing the Emmy award-winning series The Handmaid’s Tale. During the press conference, CEO Randy Freer announced the decision to block President Trump from watching The Handmaid’s Tale was a “matter of national security.” Freer explained, “listen… we just don’t want this guy to get the wrong idea. I mean.. It seems we’re already heading in the direction of a similar situation. I can really see President Trump watching our series and thinking a dystopian society where women are viewed as only childbearing servitude is the way to ‘Make America Great Again.’ We, we just can’t be responsible for that happening.” While CEO Freer felt it was his due diligence to prevent President Trump from viewing the hit series, many critics have been concerned President Trump will also access the original book. When asked if this was a concern, Freer exclaimed, “His ability to read is less of a concern than his access to media.” ...read the rest at Flake.News now (link in bio) . . . . . . . . . . .

image by The Flake News (@theflakenews) with caption : "President Trump Calls Omarosa 'Thicc AF' In Leaked Tape

Excerpt from our story:

At one point during the recording, Oma" - 1847551989052614020
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President Trump Calls Omarosa 'Thicc AF' In Leaked Tape Excerpt from our story: At one point during the recording, Omarosa said that she needed to leave the room to make an important phone call. Almost immediately after she exited the room, Trump made a sexual comment about Omarosa's body. "Wow. What an attractive woman. That body. Whoa. They don't make women like they use to, I'll tell ya," said Trump. "What do the kids say nowadays? She's thicc as f*? Thicc af? That's what they're saying?" "You know if I ever become president one day for whatever reason, I want a beautiful woman like her around me all the time," Trump continued. "And there would be no way it would ever backfire and blow up in my face." Read the full article at Flake.News -- see our bio for the direct link! . . . . . . . . . . . . @BrianPaulDunlop

image by The Flake News (@theflakenews) with caption : "Trump Announces Plans For Middle Earth Military Branch

Following Vice President Mike Pence's announcement of the United" - 1846807102270692752
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Trump Announces Plans For Middle Earth Military Branch Following Vice President Mike Pence's announcement of the United State's new military branch, Space Force, the administration is now moving forward with plans for a Middle Earth initiative. Predictably, reports had been leaking out of the communications department for days regarding the initiative. These reports were finally confirmed at the swearing in ceremony of Buzz Lightyear, the new Secretary of the Space Force (he narrowly beat out Commander Spock who was deemed too ethnic by President Donald Trump). It was 'The Donald' himself who confirmed the reports, claiming he wishes to "find the one ring that rules them all." While Chief of Staff General John Kelly dropped his head into his hands and began to cry, Trump launched into one of his signature non-nonsensical monologues, "the mainstream media believes the ring was destroyed when Frodo dropped it into the flames at Mordor, but the mainstream media also believes Hillary won the popular vote so that just goes to show you." Get more now at Flake.News --head over to our site, link in bio . . . . . . . . . . @katz_morris

image by The Flake News (@theflakenews) with caption : "Roman Polanski Advises Harvey Weinstein To Flee Country, Make Holocaust Movie, Win Oscar⠀
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Academy Award-winning direct" - 1846086207555388615
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Roman Polanski Advises Harvey Weinstein To Flee Country, Make Holocaust Movie, Win Oscar⠀ ⠀ Academy Award-winning director and convicted fugitive child enthusiast Roman Polanski has reportedly advised disgraced Hollywood film producer Harvey Weinstein to "flee the country and make a Holocaust movie," stating that "Hollywood will have to give you an Oscar," according to one anonymous source close to the director. Polanski said that it "worked for [him]" and called the Movement "mass hysteria."⠀ ⠀ More story now at Flake.News -- Tap link in bio⠀ .⠀ .⠀ .⠀ .⠀ .⠀ .⠀ .⠀ .⠀ .⠀ .⠀ .⠀ .⠀ @BrianPaulDunlop

image by The Flake News (@theflakenews) with caption : "California Stops Drinking Water To Put Out Fires

EXCERPT from our story:

Activists have started a Meetup group called " - 1845342437707858250
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California Stops Drinking Water To Put Out Fires EXCERPT from our story: Activists have started a Meetup group called Water Fasting. Their major goal—stop drinking water. They believe that if all Californians stop drinking fluids, the state will have enough water to fight the raging fires. “Look, I haven’t had any water in 20 days. Water-fasting is like a new celebrity diet. You lose weight, feel naturally high all the time, and if you don’t die, you save someone’s life,” states Dave Newburger, Vice President of Water Fasting. READ THE REST NOW AT Flake.News (see bio) . . . . . . . . . . .

image by The Flake News (@theflakenews) with caption : "Trump Administration Unaware Of Deep State Space Force In Existence For Decades

EXCERPT FROM OUR STORY:

Distributed fo" - 1844473705948557587
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Trump Administration Unaware Of Deep State Space Force In Existence For Decades EXCERPT FROM OUR STORY: Distributed for perusal only, at a point within several days after their inauguration, each president since Harry S. Truman has held the only documented proof of our planet's deepest secrets. The unspoken pact of silence between Carter, Bush, Bush, Clinton and Obama was broken only once, briefly, in Texas. Each admitted that the book's mere existence raised bigger questions than it answered, primarily: 1 - Is there more? How high am I really cleared? 2 - Evidently I'm not in charge, so who is? These questions remained unanswered through every administration, with those that the book answered leaving each ex-president bearing the weight of the world. Each knew that we have had a space force for decades now, that ETs use the moon as a space station, and that we are in regular contact with them. The current administration's attempt to be both forward-looking and rebellious, like a cross between Kennedy and Eastwood, is seen as a disclosure of ignorance. As Bill Clinton remarked, "If that idiot knew about the ETs there's no way he doesn't go on TV and claim that 'I'm the best at negotiating with aliens' and goad them into some situation in which they end up going all Mars Attacks on us." ...For more, check out our bio and head over to the site! . . . . . . . . . . . @reeno317

image by The Flake News (@theflakenews) with caption : "Unite The White Rally Brings America’s Most Triggered Caucasians To Chocolate City

It’s been a year since the red hat-w" - 1843980451140657650
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Unite The White Rally Brings America’s Most Triggered Caucasians To Chocolate City It’s been a year since the red hat-wearing, tiki torch-waving Donald Trump fanboys swarmed Charlottesville to show their pride and protest their demand for equal rights. The right to eat their mayonnaise sandwiches in peace without the presence of people of color invading their white spaces. To have equal opportunities so they too, can take advantage of generic government-funded healthcare and enjoy lobsters and steaks on the food stamp program like their colored peers. For decades, whites have had to suffer through the privilege of being at the top of the economic ladder, and they have had it! Their Rally in DC this weekend will give them the opportunity to show the nation's capital they are not afraid! What better way to show fearlessness than by having the Metro system provide private train cars so they can get to and from the rally without a scratch. These men and women (most likely submissive girlfriends who put raisins in their potato salad) are not afraid to show their pride... ...Read the rest at Flake.News now - check out the link in our bio . . . . . . . . . @chanelhardypub

image by The Flake News (@theflakenews) with caption : "Fox News Offers Man Sandwich To Be Liberal Pundit For A Day “Mmm…” said Ozark Mcmellon who lives in an alley behind Fox " - 1843252664578847496
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Fox News Offers Man Sandwich To Be Liberal Pundit For A Day “Mmm…” said Ozark Mcmellon who lives in an alley behind Fox News headquarters in New York, New York, as he took generous bites of his turkey sandwich. “The good people from Fox News got me this panini, and whatever drink I wanted under three bucks at Starbucks. Hallelujah!” Mcmellon took a drink to wash down some of the food. “All I had to do was go on their shows and call President Donald Trump a racist, and say how his travel ban was unfair, that he needs to stop tweeting, that he shouldn’t make fun of menopausal women, or call women fat, or make fun of their plastic surgery and how he shouldn't separate kids from their parents, worst president ever, look over the protocol sheet before you meet the Queen of England.... you know, that whole tangent. “But then, I had to let a bunch of Fox News hosts yell at me all day long, and tell me how wrong I was. When they did that, I just pretended I was in my cousin’s whiskey distillery with unlimited free samples and a nice record player - my happy place.” Flake News asked Mcmellon to elaborate on his experiences that day at Fox News. “Okay, so you know that white 8th grader (who Flake News later identified as Tucker Carlson), yeah, well, he asked me to name the seven countries affected by Trump’s travel ban. I could only name five. When that happened, I have never seen anyone smile as big as Mr. Tucker Carlson did. He told me I got two wrong in addition to being short two. Then he named all 7 just like that, crisp. I have never seen a man seem more proud of himself." It's a long, great read. Read it now at our website ... Flake.News ... linked in our bio . . . . . . . . . .

image by The Flake News (@theflakenews) with caption : "Green Party Claims Victory After Helping Another Republican Get Elected

It was a big night for Joe Manchik and his Gree" - 1842451999041009335
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Green Party Claims Victory After Helping Another Republican Get Elected It was a big night for Joe Manchik and his Green Party goons in Ohio's 12th congressional election last night. The mainstream media has covered it as a clash between the Donald Trump-endorsed Troy Balderson (also known as the permanently sweaty utility man) and Democratic insurgent Danny O'Connor (also known as the friendly man in front of you at Dunkin' Donuts). O'Connor posed a serious threat to the Republican establishment in what is traditionally a comfortably Republican district. It seems as though his campaign has fallen just short though, as he trails by about 1,500 votes. Joe Manchik, the visionary green party candidate whose campaign website is on Wordpress (as most visionaries' websites are), had third place all to himself, finishing with a little over 1,000 votes. We were finally able to reach him for comment after knocking twelve times on the outside of his preferred dumpster. Once reminded that it was in fact election night and told of the results, he went on the offensive. "Tonight is not about me" he remarked, with a quite a bit of stuttering, "tonight is not about one hundred of my supporters or even five hundred of my supporters. Tonight is about all one thousand of them, and thank God I didn't get more because I can't count any higher than that." When CNN's Jim Acosta pointed out that if his supporters turned out in favor of O'Connor, the election could've swung the other way (his tally added to O'Connor's brings the race well within the margin of error), Manchik was defensive, pointing out "O'Connor's total added to mine brings me within the margin of error." Full articles to read now up at the site, Flake.News . . . . . . . . . . . @katz_morris

image by The Flake News (@theflakenews) with caption : "Bigfoot Replacing All Other Animals On EPA Endangered Species List

STORY:
This morning the White House announced it’s a" - 1841788524647623627
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Bigfoot Replacing All Other Animals On EPA Endangered Species List STORY: This morning the White House announced it’s adding Bigfoot to the endangered species list and removing all other animals. Everything from bald eagles to gray wolves to and manatees will no longer have protection. Because Scott Pruitt recently resigned from the Environmental Protection Agency, we interviewed a man wearing a brown bag over his head, who goes by the name of Mr. Brown Bag, in the ornately decorated former office of Mr. Pruitt. Q. “Mr. Brown Bag, why did you remove the bald eagle from the Endangered Species List?” A. “Because this is America.” Q. “Mr. Brown Bag, you’re not answering the question. Why did you remove it?” A. “The most American thing about this country is getting together for Thanksgiving and eating turkey, right?” Q. “How does this have anything to do with the question?” A. “Why can’t people eat bald eagles for Thanksgiving dinner? That’s even more American than America.” Read more now at Flake.News ! Link in bio ! . . . . . . . . .

image by The Flake News (@theflakenews) with caption : "Copy Of Trump Taxes Found At Upstate New York Garage Sale

A secondhand reprint of a ‘wide eyed waif’ painting by Margar" - 1840998820369066294
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Copy Of Trump Taxes Found At Upstate New York Garage Sale A secondhand reprint of a ‘wide eyed waif’ painting by Margaret Keane purchased at a Utica, New York garage sale was later found to conceal a copy of President Donald Trump’s most recent tax filings. A spokesperson for the couple who bought the painting says the buyers wish to remain anonymous for “so, so many reasons. The returns themselves however, have been authenticated by a former Internal Revenue Service agent as well as an authority on chaos theory and a mathematician who specializes in abstract reasoning.” Without going into specifics, as the documents are still being withheld from the public, the source said that as one of the experts reviewed the forms “she began to feel like she was going down a worm hole that became more and more disorienting with each entry. By the time she got to the last page her head was spinning like a top. It’s a piece of work that seems to defy known logic.” Read this and more amazing satire at www.Flake.News now! . . . . . . . . . . . . @gprowler

image by The Flake News (@theflakenews) with caption : "Mike Pence Develops New Political ‘Conversion Therapy’ For Liberal Snowflakes

President Donald Trump and Vice President" - 1840358094740229964
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Mike Pence Develops New Political ‘Conversion Therapy’ For Liberal Snowflakes President Donald Trump and Vice President Mike Pence have decided to go forward with a brand-new treatment for those who suffer from acute ‘liberalism.’ The new therapy was dubbed fondly, “Pray the Snowflake Away LLC” by our conservative movement. Pence will lead the treatment efforts himself, having gone on record to say, “I don’t have anything better to do anyway.” When asked if this conversion therapy was completely necessary, since America does have some semblance of being a Democratic nation, the Vice President scoffed and then replied, “Liberalism is destroying this great nation. We cannot risk having a snowflake for a president ever again. Our country would fall. This means that we need to make some major changes in the minds of our poor, misguided citizens.” To secure President Trump’s second term, Pray the Snowflake Away will begin with the most liberal states. “First, we will round up all the afflicted snowflakes in Washington, D.C. and take them to camps run by conservative minded individuals. There they will undergo extensive treatment for their sickness. From there we will move on to the rest of the country, one state at a time.” MORE NOW AT THE WEBSITE, WITH SUBJECT NUMBER 1 OF THE CONVERSION...HILLARY CLINTON ! (site is linked in our bio) . . . . . . . . . . . . @TommyJarrett11

image by The Flake News (@theflakenews) with caption : "Fox News Evicts Rudy Giuliani After He Moved All His Belongings Into TV Studios

A judge has ruled in favor of Fox News," - 1839385677320257235
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Fox News Evicts Rudy Giuliani After He Moved All His Belongings Into TV Studios A judge has ruled in favor of Fox News, as the divisive news network was seeking compensation for the amount of time Rudy Giuliani was recently spending in their Manhattan studios. The former New York City mayor had moved into the News Corp building and was using the network's studios as his own personal apartment. Things started small. Giuliani would take naps in between the 13 interviews he gave the network daily. Eventually, Rudy brought a sleeping bag to get some better rest, especially for the early Fox & Friends interviews. After a few weeks of almost nonstop television appearances, Rudy decided to move all his belongs into the Fox News studios. The current Lawyer for the president of the United States had this to say, “Well I guess I misunderstood what a studio apartment was.” Read more of this story at our site, Flake.News (conveniently located here in our bio!) . . . . . . . . . . . . @gio_je_suis

image by The Flake News (@theflakenews) with caption : "White House Releases List Of Acceptable Questions

Citing the recent banning of CNN reporter Kaitlan Collins, the White " - 1838825482259420322
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White House Releases List Of Acceptable Questions Citing the recent banning of CNN reporter Kaitlan Collins, the White House has released a list of appropriate questions for all briefings and public encounters. 1. Why do we insist on discrediting the president with our constant barrage of recordings that contradict his own statements? 2. Why do we feel that citizens are entitled to trust their own eyes and ears over the words of the president? 3. Why is a well-done steak better than any other cook temperature? 4. Who is George Orwell and why does he love fake news? 5. Why is no one impressed that Melania can watch whichever TV channel she wants? 6. Why do all adult film stars want to sleep with Donald Trump? 7. How much money did Crooked Hillary pay Michael Cohen to create a fake recording of Trump “confessing” to wanting to pay an alleged mistress in “cash?” · Acceptable follow up: was this payment made in Uranium pizza ...get the full list of questions now at our site... the link is in the bio. . . . . . . . . . . . @lizscher

image by The Flake News (@theflakenews) with caption : "Media: We Lied To America To Keep It From Getting...You Know How It Gets

Anderson Cooper, the unofficial president and " - 1838100724991867925
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Media: We Lied To America To Keep It From Getting...You Know How It Gets Anderson Cooper, the unofficial president and spokesperson of the left-leaning, Ivy League-educated, good-looking, elite media recently held a press conference during which he admitted the media has been lying to the public for some time now. “But only to protect its feelings,” Cooper said. “We know how upset it gets. It makes this face, you know, where its lip starts to quiver...man...its lower lip starts moving, wobbling uncontrollably...and it says it’s fine, but its eyes say otherwise. I can't take it. I seriously can't take it. I would rather just keep telling it lies,” Cooper said. “I can name a few things right now that we, the media, hid from America over the years: “I mean, it’s nothing huge. Yes, they did clone sheep and man did walk on the moon, but like George Clooney was never, ever the sexiest man alive, ever, not even top 20…” We've got more up at the site now, finish this story at Flake.News (see bio for link!) . . . . . . . . . . . @nytimes @cnn

image by The Flake News (@theflakenews) with caption : "23andMe Shares Alex Jones’s DNA Hoping To Produce New Anti-Diarrheal Drug

In a controversial discovery, it appears DNA " - 1836714589006436994
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23andMe Shares Alex Jones’s DNA Hoping To Produce New Anti-Diarrheal Drug In a controversial discovery, it appears DNA analysis company 23andMe has been sharing genetic data with the drug testing giant GlaxoSmithKline. A spokesperson for 23andMe came to the defense of the company, explaining the idea only came about after the receipt of the DNA of political pundit Alex Jones. “We at 23andMe admit we have been sharing genetic data with GlaxoSmithKline. Upon receiving Alex Jones’s DNA sample we realized there was a unique opportunity we could not pass up. Jones is the first example of DNA that seems to develop fecal matter on its own, without ingesting any food or nutrients. Jones’s cells literally produce pure waste at a record pace the likes of which have not yet been seen by modern medicine. His DNA has been shared with GlaxoSmithKline to develop the most powerful anti-diarrheal drug possible. Our hope is to use this drug to save millions of lives, particularly in the third world, using Jones’s cells that produce inexplicable amounts of waste per day.” Clinical trials are still in development and have yet to begin. Scientists are baffled by the secretion of waste by Alex Jones’s cells, particularly because he has not had a drink of water in an estimated ten years. “This could be a tremendous opportunity to help those without access to clean water,” said a lab tech who wished to remain anonymous. “I don’t want to be associated with Alex Jones in any way until we have made some progress with the testing. Until he has proven to be of some help, he remains a literal fecal stain on this lab.” GET THE FULL STORY NOW UP AT THE SITE ... link in bio . . . . . . . . . . . . . @lizscher

image by The Flake News (@theflakenews) with caption : "Report: Trump Gains Ability To Alter Past With 4,000th Lie

President Donald Trump has made an amazing discovery followi" - 1835875043679235942
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Report: Trump Gains Ability To Alter Past With 4,000th Lie President Donald Trump has made an amazing discovery following an urgent speech at the White House. It was previously believed the budget cuts on the F-35 stealth fighter were planned before President Trump took office. Now it appears he has found a way to alter the past using an interesting strategy, lying. “Apparently one can alter the past by lying about it enough in the present,” said famed physicist Harold Botwin, “This is an unprecedented discovery. It allows humans to permanently change the mistakes of the past. Lie about something 4,000 times and it alters the past.” Thousands of concerned conservatives gathered from around the country and created a wall along the Mexican border. And voila, according to our sources, countless Mexican Americans have disappeared and reappeared on the Mexican side of the border. Production at fruit plantations is halted across the nation as the workforce has disappeared. Thousands of farms are going out of business as they are no longer able to sustain production. Farmers are pleading with the American people to “bring back the Mexicans.” MORE NOW AT FLAKE.NEWS -- LINK IN BIO . . . . . . . . . . .